


That Glorious Song of Old (2018)

by IvanW



Series: Ivan's K/S Holiday Collection [15]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Between missions, First Time, Fluff, Holidays, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Riverside, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-06 09:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16829839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: During the holidays, Jim house sits for his mother in Riverside during a rest period between missions. He receives a logical visitor





	1. Prologue: Above its Sad and Lowly Plains

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes:
> 
> Light angst is only in the prologue
> 
> Though, there are mentions of other characters, Uhura appears in the prologue, and Winona Kirk in the first chapter, this fiction is almost exclusively Jim and Spock.

_Prologue, After the Events of Altamid, on Yorktown_

Jim, on his way back from the restroom, was surprised to find Spock standing by himself looking out one of the windows in the corridor of the hotel. He hadn’t been gone from the party that long. Or at least he hadn’t thought he was.

When he’d excused himself, everyone had still been standing looking out at the stars, holding drinks.

“Party over, Spock?” Jim asked, stepping up beside the Vulcan.

“I do not believe so,” Spock replied. “I have concluded my participation in it, however.”

“Where’s Uhura?”

Spock hesitated. Then he said, “She has remained with the others.”

Jim eyed him, leaning against the window. “Things sill weird between you?”

“Clarify.”

“Bones said that maybe you broke up.” Jim shrugged. “I guessed not considering things on Altamid.”

“You refer to my desire to assist in Nyota’s rescue.”

“That and her concern for your welfare after your injury.”

“Prior to the commencement of a mutually agreeable romantic relationship between us, Nyota and I were friends. Whether or not our intimate relationship remains, our concern for each other is not diminished.”

Jim smiled. “I see. Still, I heard her call you romantic at the party. If things are working out for you—”

Spock glanced at him. “I do not wish to keep you from your own celebration.”

“You aren’t.”

Spock inclined his head. “If you are amenable, would you consider a walk with me?”

“Oh, absolutely,” Jim agreed. He glanced briefly at the door to the party, wondering if he should tell Bones. In the end he decided not to and fell into step next to Spock. “We never really did have that talk. Did you want to tell me more about Ambassador Spock’s death?”

“Not directly. However…” Spock trailed off.

“Your mind is on it.”

“Affirmative.”

Jim shook his head as he walked through the open sliding door leading out of the hotel they’d been at for the last couple of days. “I didn’t get to keep in touch with him as much as I wanted to, honestly. A few times, but I always felt…I don’t know, that I made him sad.”

“He found fulfillment in his work on New Vulcan.”

“Yeah? But still. All work? I know he missed…he missed the others.”

Spock glanced at him as they walked to the right of the hotel toward the manmade park made to resemble Central Park from New York. “He missed James Kirk.”

“Did he tell you that?” Jim couldn’t hide his surprise.

“He was surprisingly tight lipped about most things,” Spock said. “But I was able to learn of his deep friendship with Kirk.”

Jim dismissed with a smile. “Probably missed the others, too.”

“Not in the same way, but yes. He provided me with some personal effects and in those was a treasured picture of the crew.”

He wouldn’t have minded seeing that photo, but he wasn’t going to ask. Perhaps some things were better left unknown or different.

“I wonder if we’ll ever be as close as they were,” Jim mused.

“You do not believe that we are?”

“Look.” Jim moistened his lips. “Spock. The truth is, I was…I was planning on leaving the ship. I applied for a position on Yorktown. A vice admiral. Paris told me the job was mine should I want it.”

Spock stopped, his dark eyes bore into Jim. “I, too, was considering leaving.”

That made his heart ache, and damn it, he had no right to feel that way. But it was his fault. The awkwardness between them. Jim knew it was. It was only that—

“Captain?”

“Nah, it’s…you changed your mind, right? You are staying.”

“Affirmative. There were a number of considerations to think about but in the end, I decided to keep my commitment to Nyota, to Starfleet, and to you.”

“I’m glad.”

“And I am also pleased that you decided not to take the position on Yorktown.” Spock paused. “May I inquire why you changed your mind and decided to remain in command of the Enterprise?”

“I—”

Footsteps had him stopping, and, suddenly in the clearing where they stood, Uhura appeared.

“Spock, there you are.” She smiled at Jim. “Sorry, Captain. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. It’s just that Spock left the party so abruptly I went looking for him.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jim assured her. “We were only getting some air.”’

She turned to Spock. “I’d really like to talk to you, if you’re available.” She leaned up to kiss his mouth and Jim looked away as Spock returned the kiss. She stepped back and smiled once more at Jim. “If you’re finished with him, Captain.”

“Oh, I’m finished. Have a good evening you two.”

Jim watched them walk away out of the park, arm in arm. He suspected they were very much going to reconcile and if it was as it looked, there’d be plenty of make-up sex involved.

Jim was now faced with going back to his own birthday party or going back to his temporary quarters and contacting his mother. Something he most definitely did not look forward to

No longer in the mood for celebration, he went to contact his mother.


	2. And Still Their Heavenly Music Floats

_Three Years Later, December_

_Riverside, Iowa, Earth_

Jim hadn’t expected to be in Riverside for Christmas. And yet here he was. December 16th.

After the conclusion of their first five year mission, delayed by the fact they’d had to make a new Enterprise on Yorktown, they’d asked Jim if he wanted to go out for another five years. Jim had readily agreed.

But then Starfleet had insisted he needed a six month leave. Some mental health doctors had advised those in charge that officers needed to be grounded for a time to recharge or something. So, here was, three months into that leave, with another three to go before his next five year mission officially launched.

Jim had spent two of those three months in San Francisco, largely hanging out with Bones, Sulu and his husband and their daughter.

Then at the beginning of December, Jim had been contacted by his mother, who was off-planet visiting Sam and his family on Deneva. For some reason known only to her, probably, she’d wanted him to “watch the house” for her while she was gone. Winona Kirk had retired from Starfleet after a long career as an engineer and had, much to Jim’s surprise, decided to take her retirement at their long neglected farmhouse.

He’d asked Bones to come with him, but Bones decided he’d rather see his daughter in sunny Georgia rather than snowy, fucking cold Riverside. Jim could hardly blame him.

And the Sulu family decided to go visit Ben’s relatives.

So Jim had arrived on the tenth of December by himself.

To discover that his mother hadn’t got the replicators working yet. Great. He had to cook, which, yeah, he could do, but he didn’t really like to do so.

He’d spent the last six days bored out of his fucking mind.

Yesterday, he had been, surprisingly, contacted by Spock.

Like Jim, most of his crew, and all his senior officers, had signed up for the next five year mission, Spock included. But his first officer had made it pretty clear he intended to spend those six months of leave in meditating solitude somewhere in a secret location on New Vulcan.

And Jim had understood and supported Spock for the decision.

Toward the end of the five year mission, Spock and Uhura had broken up, for good this time, according to both of them. And though they had assured Jim they still remained friendly, Jim figured both needed their peace away from each other and everyone else for a time. They’d been a couple for a while, for the entire time Jim had known both of them and they’d faced endless questions about when they were going to bond, get married, have children and all that. Now that they were not together they faced endless questions about why it hadn’t worked between them.

Jim knew it was taxing and tedious for both of them. And so when Spock had indicated his intentions for their leave, Jim had offered his support.

He’d fully expected not to hear from Spock until just before mission.

Jim picked up his PADD again and re-read Spock’s message for the fifth time.

_I would like to come see you in San Francisco. Please indicate a convenient time._

Typically cryptic and to the point message Jim expected from Spock. 

Jim had not yet responded but, as he sat at the dining room table, drinking a cup of coffee filled with cream and sugar, he typed out his response.

_Hey, Spock. Nice to hear from you. Hope you are well and finding your leave beneficial. I’m actually not in San Francisco at present and don’t anticipate being there until January. I’m in Riverside, Iowa at my mother’s farmhouse, house-sitting while she’s off seeing my brother. Anyway, you’re welcome to come here, should you want to, but please note that it’s cold and snowing often, so bring appropriate attire, or if that does not sound appealing, and it can wait, I’ll let you know when I am back in San Francisco. JK._

He had no idea why he signed it JK when Spock would know it was from him, but he did, and he hit send. Fully expecting, of course, for Spock to decide to wait for his return to San Francisco. Jim certainly would were he in Spock’s place.

He had the briefest panic moment where he thought maybe Spock intended to tell him that he’d changed his mind about a second five-year mission and intended to stay on New Vulcan. Maybe even getting bonded to a Vulcan woman so they could, as Bones would say, make little Vulcans.

But Jim very quickly quashed down the panic. He might as well wait to hear whatever it was Spock had to say and anyway, he didn’t think it was that, not really.

He left the PADD on the table and went into the kitchen to make a pot of slow cooker chili. Snow flurries had started up outside, he could see from the kitchen window, and the chili would be just the thing he needed on a cold night.

With that set up to go, Jim rubbed his hands together and made the decision to go down into the basement. He had no idea if what he was looking for would even still be there. Given that for several years a certain undesirable occupant stayed there, he may have even tossed it all out. It would be just the thing his late and much-hated stepfather would have done.

Jim flicked on the switch that illuminated the basement. There were a few times as a kid where he’d hidden down here from Frank’s bellowing wrath. When he was really young he’d been almost painfully skinny and scrawny and he could squeeze into an opening under the stairs between two tool cabinets and Frank wasn’t even able to see him.

His work boots sounded loud on the steps leading down. It hadn’t changed much since those days. His mom had begun to make some renovations in the main house. She’d had some workmen in to redo the master bathroom, adding a big spa-jet tub and a free-standing glass shower. Jim had been using it since he’d been staying there. The kitchen had been redone too, with his mom adding one of those islands in the middle and extra cabinets. Too bad she hadn’t gotten around to the replicators. She’d, also, clearly not gotten down to the basement.

“If I were an old fake Christmas tree, where would I be?” he asked out loud.

There had been one thing—okay maybe more, but this was about trees—his mother and he agreed on and that was fake was best. He’d heard all the arguments about looks and smells of real trees and all that, and sure, okay, but Jim thought trees should stay where they belonged, in the ground, and not adorning someone’s living room. He didn’t get preachy about it but his stance wouldn’t change.

Back in the DBF—Days Before Frank— they’d had an enormous fake tree that was all lit up with dozens upon dozens of little colorful lights that blinked or chased or flipped or whatever you wanted it to do with the mere press of a button. It was awesome. Jim had loved it. But Frank didn’t like Christmas and especially Christmas trees, so they’d left it in the basement in those years. And then came Tarsus and teenaged rebellion and the Academy and whatever else came and the tree hadn’t been put up in years and years.

Jim intended to change all that even if it was just him and festive eggnog to see it. If he had to be here in the snowy tundra, he might as well enjoy Christmas.

Way in the back behind some other boxes, he finally found the big plastic bin labeled _Christmas Tree_. 

“Score!” He did a mental fist pump because he felt silly doing an actual one with no one here but himself.

Next to it were plastic containers marked _Christmas Ornaments_.

Jim felt very glad Frank hadn’t thrown them out.

He picked up the ornament boxes first and headed back up the stairs with them, setting them down in the living room. Then he went back for the box that contained the tree.

By the time he returned upstairs with that box he was definitely feeling spirited. Later, before the snow got too heavy, he’d go to the store for some more festive beverages and food. When he went into the kitchen to refill his coffee, he noticed he had a message.

Jim couldn’t help but smile, for he knew it was from his very efficient first officer. And yes, it was. Jim chuckled as he opened it.

_I am interested in your invitation to join you at your family’s farmhouse in Riverside, Captain. I will make the arrangements. I anticipate arriving tomorrow morning, if that is convenient._

Well, damn. Spock was coming. Which filled Jim with an instant case of the nerves, the heebie jeebies too because he was suddenly alight with more energy than he knew what to do with. Trepidation. And a little excitement.

_It’s convenient. See you then._

Jim knew Spock would appreciate the to the point response.

And now he needed Vulcan food. Or at least food that his Vulcan would eat. Well, not that Spock was _his_ Vulcan.

He decided to head to the store first, to get everything he would need, especially if they got unlucky enough to get snowed in for a few days, before setting up the tree. He’d do that when he got back.

He turned the slow cooker down to its lowest setting.

Jim shrugged into his coat and headed out.

He was almost to the store in his hover car when a person ran right out in front of him.

“Oh shit!”

He swerved to avoid the person, and then that was the last thing he remembered.

****

Jim heard the sounds of beeping and pulsing machinery as he opened his eyes. At first he could see nothing and he began to panic, slowly though, his vision cleared and he was staring at a ceiling.

“Doctor.”

A familiar voice but one he could not quite place. Not in his fogged state.

A stranger appeared, leaning over him.

“Hello. Can you tell me your name?”

“Jim.”

“Jim what?”

He frowned. “James T. Kirk.”

“Good. How do you feel?”

“Uh. A little battered and bruised. Confused.”

“You’re in the hospital, Mr. Kirk. You’ve had an accident. But you’re going to be fine.” The man disappeared and Jim felt the bed he was on suddenly bend in the middle until he was sitting up, once more looking at the man.

The man, the doctor presumably, shined a light in Jim’s eyes.

“Do you mind?”

The doctor smiled and lowered the light. “Doctor Callahan. You ran into a pole with your hover car.”

Jim bit his lip. “Yeah. I sort of remember. A person walked out in front of me. Are they okay?”

“Oh, yes. You were the only one hurt. And your car was totaled I’m afraid. But you only have a very small concussion. Not even any broken bones. You are very lucky.”

Or have the blood of a super being in me, Jim thought, but would not say.

“Great. Does that mean I can get out of here?”

“Captain.”

Jim stared in amazement as Spock appeared by his bedside. “Spock!” His brows furrowed. “Is it tomorrow?”

“Negative. I arrived a day early. As it happens, it was fortuitous.” Spock turned to the doctor. “I will be staying with him and monitoring him. I will follow any of your instructions.”

Callahan nodded. “Good. I was going to keep him maybe overnight for observation, but I’ll go ahead and release him as long as you are watching him and he’s not alone. I’ll feel better about it. No special instructions besides rest and taking it a little easy for a day or two.”

Jim was relieved. He did not want to stay in the hospital. “Hey, Doc, I was on my way to the store for some supplies at the time. Do you think we can stop there on the way back to my farmhouse?”

The doctor nodded. “As long as it’s a short trip, it’s probably fine. Don’t overdo it.”

“He will not,” Spock spoke up.

Callahan smiled again. “I know no one wants to be stuck here this time of year. I’ll be right back with the documents that you’ll need to sign.”

As the doctor moved away, Spock moved closer. His dark eyes appeared to be assessing Jim very carefully. “I am relieved you were not more seriously injured.”

“Yeah, me too. God, it’s great to see you. I didn’t think I’d see you until some time tomorrow.”

“As it happened, I was able to secure an earlier transport than I had originally intended. What is it you wished to obtain from the store?”

“More food. Vulcan friendly food, too. Some stuff for the holidays if the weather turns bad. Just normal kinds of things. It won’t take long, I promise.”

“Very well. I do not wish for you to tire out before I can get you secured at home.”

“Nah, it’s fine. And anyway you didn’t sign up to play nursemaid or anything.”

“In fact, I believe I just did.”

Jim smiled faintly. “Was there anything in particular you had in mind when you wanted to see me?”

Spock hesitated, clearly, then he slowly nodded. “There is, but I will wait until a more convenient time. For now, let us get you discharged, make your trip to the store, and then back to the farmhouse. I will make your dinner tonight.”

“Spock, you don’t have to do that.”

“I am aware, however, I would like to.”

“Okay, cool. But I already have chili cooking in the slow cooker, so you don’t have to bother. And it’s vegetarian, actually, because I didn’t have meat to put in. But you can help me set up my Christmas tree, too.”

Spock arched a brow but said nothing to this, only turned toward the doctor as he approached with his PADD.

****

“Want some eggnog too. It’s tradition. I think. Anyway, I’ve replicated it on the ship, you know, in the past, but I think this stuff will be better.”

Spock gazed upon him somewhat quizzically as he placed the carton in their shopping cart. “I was unaware you participated in such holiday activities, Captain.”

“Jim. Hell, we aren’t even close to on duty right now. And yeah. When I was very young, the holidays were a big deal to my mom. I think my dad really loved them and the idea made her feel closer to him. But when she got involved with Frank, things changed big time. Anyway, I try to bring a little bit of cheer back into the time, even if it’s just on the Enterprise with Bones and me.”

“Frank was your stepfather?”

“Yep. I refer to those times as DBF. Days Before Frank.”

“Things were unpleasant.”

“Yeah, well, what would you call it when someone used you as a punching bag?” Jim shook his head. “Anyway, never mind all that crap. I want this to be fun for us both. And yes, I know, Vulcans don’t engage in fun, but indulge me.”

Spock tilted his head. “Indeed I will.”

Jim smiled. There was something different about Spock. More relaxed. Softer, maybe. He couldn’t quite figure it out. But he liked it. “Let’s go pick you out some tea.”

He was pleased to find that the store had a selection of holiday inspired teas, including ones called Christmas Tea, Gingerbread Tea, and Santa’s Tea. Jim decided they should get them all.

By the time they’d picked up lots of food for them both and the extra treats like tea and eggnog, Jim had spent close to two hundred credits. He didn’t mind though, because even though he was feeling tired, a little weak, and had a touch of a headache, Spock was with him and that was beyond anything he could have imagined.

As they left the store to head for their transportation, Jim didn’t fail to notice that Spock had placed his hand on Jim’s elbow, likely thinking Jim needed the extra help. Jim didn’t care what the reason was, he liked it. Spock was warm and the chill in the air had deepened in the time they had been shopping.

Spock helped Jim in the hover car he had rented and then placed their purchases inside before getting into the driver’s seat. After Jim directed Spock which way to go, Spock left the store parking lot and headed to the farmhouse.

“How do you feel, Captain?”

Jim yawned. “Too wiped out to correct you to call me Jim.” He sagged against the door of the car and closed his eyes. He really was sleepy all of a sudden. Shopping had been exhausting.

When he became aware of his surroundings again, Spock was carrying him in his arms and up the stairs.

“Please advise which room is yours,” Spock commanded.

“Spock, I can walk.”

“Do not waste time arguing. Which room?”

Jim pointed toward the master bedroom. “There. Staying in Mom’s.”

Spock carried him into the room and then somehow managed to pull back the covers while holding Jim. He laid him down carefully in the bed.

“I don’t know why I’m so sleepy,” Jim mumbled.

“I do. You had an accident and a concussion and exhausted yourself shopping. You will rest now and I will wake you in a bit to ensure you are not in danger.”

“Want to decorate.”

“Later. I will bring in the groceries and see to the slow cooker as well.” Spock stared at him intently for a moment. “Jim.”

“Yeah?”

Spock slowly exhaled and then shook his head. “Later,” he said again. “Rest for now.”

Jim closed his eyes, losing consciousness almost immediately.

****

When he awoke, the room was dark, and the house silent, but Jim suspected Spock was downstairs somewhere. He could definitely smell chili. Made him hungry. His headache was mostly gone too but he did still feel a little achy.

He slowly sat up, figuring he ought to take it a little easy. He found himself inordinately glad Spock had arrived a day early. In fact, he was glad he had arrived at all. Even if his purpose was to tell Jim he was not returning to Starfleet and the Enterprise, Jim was grateful for whatever time they had together.

He swung his legs to the wood floor and stood, making sure he was completely steady before taking a step. Considering he had crashed he felt remarkably good. When he talked to Bones next he would ask him about the whole Khan blood thing. He wasn’t sure it had particularly helped him with Krall, but then again he had a black eye at the end of it all. Not bad.

After he took care of the business of peeing, he washed his hands, and eyed the glass standing shower with some regret. He probably should get downstairs and make sure Spock was right with everything. He could take a shower later, before bed.

Jim made his way on down the stairs, holding the railing in case he had a residual unsteadiness. 

Spock sat at the dining room table, one of Jim’s navy colored mugs in hand, filled presumably with one of the teas, perusing a PADD. Jim saw that he had set up and plugged in Jim’s Christmas tree in the living room. No ornaments though. But the lit tree made him smile. And the smell of the savory chili had his stomach growling.

Spock looked up and even though there was no smile on his lips, Jim caught one in his eyes. “Jim.”

“Hi.”

Spock rose and rushed over to where Jim stood. Jim was about to protest that he didn’t need any help when Spock’s arm came around him. He felt so warm, so good, Jim couldn’t find the will to protest the extra care.

“I would have helped you out of bed,” Spock said.

“Nah, I made it fine. That smells really good. And thank you. For the tree.”

“We can decorate it later. Come sit and I will bring you dinner.”

Jim allowed Spock to help him to a chair at the table and gently push him into it. He wasn’t sure why but he was surprised at how gentle Spock could be. He wasn’t used to such solicitude from anyone but Bones and even that was with grumpy reluctance.

“What beverage do you currently desire?”

“Um. I dunno. The gingerbread tea, maybe? I could go for something a little festive.”

Jim watched, somewhat bemusedly, while Spock puttered around his kitchen. Okay, Mom’s kitchen. And funny how as soon as he thought of her, almost, his PADD pinged from over by the kitchen counter where he’d left it earlier. Somehow Jim knew it was his mom. How? He had no clue. But as soon as he stood up to go fetch it, Spock reached for it.

“I will bring it to you.”

Once more he almost protested that he was hardly an invalid, but on the other hand, this was nice. He hit accept and his mother’s face appeared.

“Jim! Sweetheart. I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”

Oh. Right. He hadn’t thought about that when they’d returned from the hospital. Hadn’t even bothered to check his messages.

“Sorry. I was out most of the day.”

“It’s night now, isn’t it?” She frowned. “You haven’t been drinking at Charlie’s, have you? You look a little worse for the wear.”

“I haven’t been to Charlie’s. Not at all, actually, since I arrived. Uh, listen, Mom, Spock’s here with me. So don’t say anything weird,” he added with a smile, to let them both know he was joking.

“Spock? Your first officer?”

“Say hello, Spock.”

“Good evening, Mrs. Kirk,” Spock said dutifully from inside the kitchen.

“Oh. Well, that’s…nice. Good. I didn’t know you were going to have company.”

“Neither did I. Last minute kind of thing.”

“That actually makes me feel a lot better. I hated the idea of you by yourself for Christmas. Though, with him being Vulcan, they probably don’t do Christmas. Although, he’s half human, isn’t he?”

Jim smiled, shook his head at her babbling. “Yeah. But his mom was Jewish, I think.” He glanced at Spock, who nodded. “Yeah, Jewish. So he didn’t do Christmas. But he’s being extra nice to me and indulging my nonsense. He even set up the tree for me while I was resting.”

“Resting? James Tiberius, you do look pale. What’s happened?”

Spock brought his gingerbread tea over and placed it in front of him.

“Thanks. It smells great.”

Spock looked at the screen. “It is pleasing to see you again, Mrs. Kirk.”

“Winona, Spock. Anyway, I haven’t been Mrs. Kirk for some time. You are looking very handsome.”

“Mother.” Jim shooed Spock away back to the kitchen. He sipped the tea.

“What are you drinking?”

“Gingerbread tea. Spock put in milk and sugar too and it’s like heaven. So, I crashed the hover car.”

“Jim!”

“I’m okay but the hover car didn’t make it.”

She put her hands up to her face. “Why aren’t you in the hospital?”

“I was released into Spock’s care. And believe me he’s doing a bang up job. Don’t worry, I’m fine. Really. Nothing even broken.”

“I swear you’re in more danger on Earth than you are in space.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I have to go. Your brother’s calling me. I just wanted to check on you. And it’s a good thing I did, too. When were you going to tell me about this?”

He opened his mouth.

“Never mind. I’ll talk to you again in a few days, before Christmas. And be nice to Spock.”

She flashed off the screen. He put the PADD down just as Spock brought two bowls of the vegetarian chili to the table. Spock sat down with his bowl.

Jim ate a few bites in silence before speaking up. “So, not that I’m not super glad to see you. Obviously I am. Not just because of the accident, but, well, as you can see this is not the most exciting place and the isolation kind of sucks. But I admit I’m a little curious as to why. I got the impression you were spending the entirety of our leave on New Vulcan.”

Spock nodded. “That was, indeed, my original plan.”

“What’s changed then?”

“I found that I no longer wished to delay certain personal matters,” Spock said slowly. “I had been, as Terrans would say, ruminating on the matter for some time. And no amount of meditation and thinking seemed to change the outcome. If anything, it helped to convince me of the validity of my perceptions. And after some vocalization of my concerns to both Nyota and to my father, I felt I had no choice but to locate you and see if you were amenable to discuss the pros and cons of this sort of arrangement.”

Jim stared at Spock. “Okay, well, maybe my head injury was worse than I thought, but what?”

“If you are in pain then I suggest a return to the hospital is in order,” Spock said sharply.

“Spock! Are you leaving me –er—Starfleet or what?”

For several fraught seconds, Spock simply stared at Jim with his usual blank expression. Just as Jim began to get frustrated, Spock gave the minutest shake of his head.

“No.”

He was almost giddy with relief and to cover that reaction, Jim scooped up a huge spoonful of chili. And as he shoved it unceremoniously into his mouth he contemplated what all that complicated crap out of Spock’s mouth actually meant.

“I surmise now is the time to ascertain if my supposition is correct.”

“Head, Spock. Have mercy on me.”

“I have romantic feelings for you and I wish to know if you reciprocate,” Spock said plainly.

Jim’s spoon rattled in his shaking hand so he set it into his bowl. “You…” He wet his lips. “You like me?”

Okay, he realized how seriously lame he sounded but it was hard to wrap his mind around it.

Spock nodded. “However, I must confess that like does not convey the level of impact my feelings have.”

Jim swallowed. He found himself gripping the edge of the dining room table. “Okay. So you, um,--?”

“Jim. Do you share my feelings or not?”

“Are you saying you’re in love with me?” Jim countered.

Spock let out the tiniest breath and Jim could see that the admission cost him. “Yes.”

“Oh. My. God.”

“I desire to know the meaning of your calling upon a deity.”

Jim grinned. He leaned over close to Spock, curled his hand around the back Spock’s neck and pulled the Vulcan into a somewhat sloppy, chili-laden, but thorough kiss.

When they came up for air, Jim couldn’t stop smiling.

“Does that answer your question, Mister Spock?”

Spock looked somewhat dazed. “It goes a long way toward it, yes.”

“Spock, I can’t believe it. You know what?” Jim rose from his chair to push Spock’s chair slightly back. He straddled Spock’s lap, putting his legs on either side of the Vulcan’s legs. He leaned in to kiss Spock.

“Jim. Your injuries.”

“We’re just kissing.” Jim pulled back slightly. “I’m not too heavy, am I?”

Spock arched a brow. “Hardly. But your head—”

“It’s a different kind of head I’m worried about.” Jim smiled broadly. “In fact we should be doing it right now on this table.”

“We will not,” Spock spoke primly. His hands had inched under Jim’s shirt though, holding Jim in place with a firm grip. “I refuse to jeopardize your recovery due to the engagement of overeager sexual activity.”

Jim waggled his eyebrows. “Will it be overeager?”

“Jim.”

“Come on, Spock. Cut me some slack. I just found out you have the hots for me.”

“While I, of course, do have ‘the hots’ for you as you say, there is significant emotional attachment and—”

“Significant huh?”

“Jim.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” he said quickly as Spock had begun to look Vulcanly irritated. “I’m just, I don’t know, like an excited puppy. I’ve been…I’ve been in love with you for a really long time. I’m a little thrilled and a lot dazed to think you might reciprocate that even a little.”

Spock’s eyes had turned warm and chocolatey. “I reciprocate more than a little, ashayam. And I confess to feeling a little thrilled myself.”

“Yeah?”

Spock nodded. “Indeed. While I suspected and hoped that you might return my regard there was every chance that it was merely my desire and that it would go unfulfilled.” His hands smoothed over Jim’s bare skin. “I am very relieved. Also relieved you were not more seriously injured. I confess I was quite dismayed upon my arrival.”

“I’m so glad you came early.”

“As am I.” Spock’s gaze burned into him. “And when you are sufficiently recovered I will be overeager to engage in copulation.”

Jim licked his lips. Swallowed. “Y-yeah?”

“Indeed. But our first time will be in a bed not on a table. We can leave that for another time.”

Jim laughed and leaned in for more kisses. When they began to turn intense and more amorous, Spock put a stop to them once more. 

“I do not wish for us to get to a point we cannot stop.”

Jim sighed. “I guess we should clean up dinner and then get to decorating the tree then.”

“Yes, a wise plan.”

“I guess I should get off you now.” Jim smirked. “Unless you want me to get you off.”

Up went that adorable eyebrow.

“Okay, okay. Spoilsport.” Jim uncurled himself from around Spock and stood. Spock did too.

“How is your head, ashayam?”

“That’s an endearment, right?” Jim’s stomach fluttered a little. “I, uh, I heard you use it with Uhura a few times when you, um, when you guys thought you were alone.”

He thought specifically of one time Spock had been badly injured and was in the medbay. Jim had gone to see him but Uhura was already there and holding his hand.

_“I am all right, ashayam.”_

Jim remembered hearing those words as Uhura had begun to cry. He’d gotten out of there fast.

“It is,” Spock told him. Hesitated. “If the use of it causes discomfort, I will—”

“No.” Jim shook his head. He winced though because the little shake of his head kind of hurt. “No. I like it.”

To think Spock would use it for _him_? That was amazing.

“You did not answer my query.”

“Huh? Oh. My head. A little pain. Kinda fuzzy, but not bad.”

Spock frowned in concern. “Perhaps it would be best for you to return to bed for the duration of the night.”

“No.” He almost shook his head but thought better of it. No sense in making things worse by rattling the brain. “No. Please? I want to spend time with you. And-and decorate the tree. You’re finally here and you’re saying these amazing things and I…” He stopped and bit his lip, lowering his gaze. He couldn’t admit to being a little afraid.

“Ashaya,” Spock’s voice was whisper soft. He pulled Jim to him. “This is real. You are not dreaming. You will not wake up and discover I am not here and that I do not love you.” He cradled Jim’s jaw. “I understand your trepidation. Though I hoped my perception of the reciprocation of my feelings was true, a part of me doubted it still. I am presently filled with awe so strong I can scarcely describe it.”

Jim closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Spock’s. He felt on the verge of tears and an emotional breakdown. It was all so suddenly overwhelming. His love for Spock he knew and had dealt with for a hundred years, but having that love returned, and then having just had an accident, and being here, in this house, and not on the Enterprise. It was just so much.

“Jim, you need to rest,” Spock said with so much gentleness it made Jim feel even more vulnerable. “Please. In the morning, we can decorate the tree and do anything you wish.”

It was weird because Jim felt Spock’s anxiety and concern for him. Which he wasn’t the telepath, right? So why would he feel what Spock felt? He didn’t think Spock’s telepathy worked that way. But whatever the case, Spock was worried, and it was causing Spock distress and Jim didn’t like that.

“Okay, I’ll go to bed.”

“If you want, I will stay with you.”

And watch over you, Jim almost heard but Spock did not actually add.

He smiled. “I’d like that. Not sure I want to be separated from you right now.”

Spock nodded. “And I feel the same.” He glanced toward the kitchen. “We can clean up in the morning. Come, ashayam.” 


	3. Look Now, For Glad and Golden Hours

_December 17 th_

_Riverside, Iowa, Earth_

Waking up next to Jim appeared to be something Spock was going to quite enjoy getting used to for the foreseeable future. For a long time, Spock just watched Jim as he continued to sleep.

The morning light streaked through the open blinds of the window. They had forgotten to close them the night before and it was the light that had pulled Spock from sleep.

There was nothing about the sun from the light. Even from the bed he could see that the day had dawned overcast and gloomy. Jim had predicted the possibility of snow flurries today and Spock suspected that it might end up more than flurries.

The room was chilled but not overly so, mostly because the man sleeping beside him radiated heat like a furnace. Spock definitely would not complain about that, especially in a cold climate like this.

There was a slight bruise on Jim’s forehead just under a lock of sandy colored hair that had darkened a little since the last time Spock had seen his captain. A smudge of black under his left eye and a slight puffiness under both eyes. His lips remained parted as he slept, more of a light whistle coming out rather than a true snore.

It was clear to Spock that Jim did not sleep well. Never had. He stayed up too late on the Enterprise, always working, always worrying, and those habits were hard to break off ship. With Spock in his life, Jim would get more rest than he had before because Spock intended that he would take care of Jim. He would also make certain Jim always had enough food to eat. 

Once, months ago, Jim had spoken of the famed planet, Tarsus IV, with such melancholy that both he and McCoy had looked up information about it and about Jim. They had shared their findings with each other and had made a vow. Jim did not know. But yes, Spock would see that Jim never wanted for food, for care. It was his duty as first officer, as friend, and now as, hopefully, life partner.

Watching Jim caused a warmth in Spock’s heart that would not go away. And it was pleasant.

The truth was that as far back as Yorktown, Spock had contemplated the possibility of an amorous relationship with Jim. He acknowledged that his affectionate feelings predated that period of time as well. After some contemplation, Spock had realized that his love for Jim became clear when Spock thought Jim was lost to him.

Still he had chosen to stay in the comfortable, affectionate relationship he enjoyed with Nyota. He had not seen any reason to dismiss such a pleasing arrangement from his life for, at the time, Spock was certain Jim had no romantic inclinations toward himself. Jim had openly flirted with Carol Marcus, and though Spock had no real confirmation of such, he suspected they’d had a sexual relationship prior to her departure from the Enterprise.

When Spock had contemplated resigning from Starfleet to attend to business on New Vulcan, part of that decision had been because of Jim. More often than not, and more often than he cared to admit, Spock was eaten up by ever-increasing jealousy over Jim’s assignations. Jim was popular, flirty and gorgeous. He never lacked for sexual partners.

However, Spock had come to realize afterward, after he had changed his mind about resigning, and had resumed his relationship with Nyota, that Jim’s façade was not at all the truth.

Once, just before the Enterprise was to begin the continuation of their mission, Spock had accepted an invitation from Jim and McCoy to have drinks at a lounge on Yorktown. During that evening, they had ordered what the lounge had referred to as ‘small plates’ and Jim had wanted him to try a stuffed fig on one of the plates. Spock had reached for it and had come in full contact with the palm of Jim’s hand.

Waves of emotion had hit him before he could shield from it. Sadness, loneliness, despondency. Spock had been so startled that he had excused himself from the evening early and had regretted his hasty departure when he saw the barely there disappointment cross Jim’s face, before it was hidden behind a mask every bit as perfect as any Vulcan’s.

After that, Spock had become somewhat obsessed with sneaking touches from Jim. He was not proud of his subterfuge but the more he touched Jim, the more he became addicted, and the more the sadness, loneliness and despondency went away. Spock did not believe that was a coincidence. And that was when he began to doubt his original conclusion that Jim was not interested in him.

Nyota, toward the end of their five-year mission, the first one, had finally pressed him for a complete commitment. Marriage, bonding. It was past time. And Spock agreed. But he’d gently advised her that though he cared for her, he could never give her the commitment she deserved. Someday, perhaps, they would be friends. Spock did not know. He was surprised that she had agreed to remain with the Enterprise during their second five-year mission. Things were pleasant between them, but they didn’t have the closeness they’d once enjoyed and for that, Spock mourned.

It had taken Spock sometime then, on New Vulcan, to meditate and to gather his thoughts, on the realization that he would not be satisfied with his life without at least attempting to discover if Jim could return his ever increasing love.

This was where Spock was now. And happy, yes, he could admit to that, Jim had indeed been amenable.

As Spock continued to watch, Jim’s eyelids slowly rose to reveal that startling intense blue that Spock did not think he would ever get used to seeing. They were remarkable, enthralling, sometimes Spock found himself drowning in them.

“Good morning.”

Jim’s voice was a low rumble that excited Spock in surprising ways. There would be time for intimacy between them. Spock intended to see to Jim’s care first.

“Good morning, ashayam.”

“Weather?”

“Dark and foreboding. I do not believe the snow has begun yet though.”

Jim yawned. “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long. Just enough time to contemplate the wonder that is you.” Spock was pleased when Jim blushed. He placed his fingertips on that pink cheek. “If you wish to take a shower, I will start breakfast.”

“Spock, you’re supposed to be my guest.”

“Not a guest, I hope.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. Shouldn’t I be feeding you?”

“You were injured. And I want to take care of you.”

“I love you,” Jim whispered.

It was the first time he’d said those words and though they were only words and mere representations of a feeling too powerful to fully describe, Spock felt the spreading warmth again.

“I love you,” Spock replied in return for though there were Vulcan words more precious, more meaningful to him, the standard words would be of comfort and preference to Jim at this time. “So very much.”

“I can hardly believe it,” Jim admitted.

“I understand the sentiment. I felt apprehension in anticipation of my visit here.”

Jim chuckled. “Sometimes you are so adorably wordy. Okay, I’m going to take that shower.”

“Do you require assistance?”

Jim smirked. “What sort of assistance are you offering, Mister Spock?”

“Washing assistance only.”

He pouted at that. “Spoilsport. I think I can manage.”

“How is your head?”

“Barely a dull ache.”

“That it aches at all is an affront to me,” Spock admitted. “Hopefully soon that too will disappear.”

After making sure Jim got into the shower without requiring assistance from him, Spock dressed and went down to the first floor. He stopped at the bathroom there to take of some of his own personal needs before heading into the kitchen to get started.

He stopped by the kitchen window overlooking some of the yard. It looked bitterly cold out and there was a definite chill in the house. More than Spock noticed when first awaking next to his own personal furnace, Jim. Spock intended to ask Jim about heat when he came downstairs. There was a fireplace in the living room but Spock did not spot any wood. 

Spock worked quickly to clean the mess they’d left from the night before and then set up the coffeemaker for Jim to have some when he came down. He made himself tea while he considered what to feed Jim.

He’d had a message on his PADD from Nyota asking him if he’d made it to Riverside and Jim, and if so, how things went.

Spock found himself filled with gratitude for her friendship and love even now when they were not together and things were still a bit awkward. Initially things had not gone well for them directly after the breakup, but Nyota had contacted him while he was on New Vulcan and they began to message each other back and forth. She shared with him that she’d come to the realization that toward the end of their relationship she had felt more and more platonic love with him than anything else and Spock had admitted the same was true for him.

He sent her a brief reply that advised he had reached Riverside and Jim and that the situation was very good indeed. He would provide her with details later, if she so desired to have them.

Spock heard Jim coming down the stairs easily as the stairs of the old house creaked upon walking on them.

“Hey there, sugar plum,” Jim called out. He laughed at Spock’s expression. “You know, it’s a Christmas thing. But now that I think about it, I’m not even sure what the hell one is.”

He came to Spock then, with a bright and beautiful smile that definitely did funny things to Spock. Jim wore jeans and a big fluffy beige sweater that made Spock want to crawl under it and put his skin next to Jim’s skin. A strange reaction to be sure. But Jim really was a stunning man. Spock had always recognized this, even before he recognized the emotions Jim instilled in him that ran deeper than any he felt for another.

Spock probably was holding Jim a little closer and tighter than was strictly necessary and definitely improper for a Vulcan, but they were alone, in the privacy of the farmhouse, and he was still getting used to the idea that he got to have this. That he got to have Jim.

“Mm. Everything smells good. The coffee. The tea. All the fragrances. But mostly you.”

Spock inhaled. “It is strange because I had the very thought about you.”

Jim laughed and pulled back a little and Spock, reluctantly, let him. “I have a feeling we’re going to be clingy until we finally get to fuck.”

“If you think that will make me less so than you do not know Vulcans.”

“I definitely want to know one Vulcan in particular.”

“We are very possessive with our mates.” Spock released him the rest of the way as Jim seemed inclined to step over to the coffeemaker to pour himself a cup of the strong brew.

“Mates, huh?” Jim added a lot of sugar and cream to his coffee. “Is that what we are?”

“It is preferable to Vulcans over boyfriend,” Spock advised. He returned to the refrigerator. “Is an egg acceptable?”

“Spock, honestly, you don’t have to cook for me.”

“I heard the way to a human’s heart is through his stomach.”

“Well, maybe. But you already have my heart. Eggs and biscuits.”

“I have never made biscuits.”

“I have. We’ll cook together.”

And they did. Spock stuck very close to Jim, under the pretense of learning how to create these biscuits things, but in reality he found that he had become a very clingy Vulcan. He could not seem to help himself. Jim brought out lust, yes, but a need to protect, to serve, to worship. In any other circumstances, Spock would find the whole experience uncomfortable and disconcerting, but here, in Riverside, he felt secure and safe to be how he wished to be with Jim. It was appreciated and precious. He didn’t know if they would have time like this together again.

When breakfast was finished and Spock brought it to the table, he pulled Jim onto his lap before Jim could sit in one of the chairs.

“Spock!” Jim laughed. “I can sit in a chair, you know. I must be heavy.”

“You are not. You are perfect.”

“Keep talking like that and we’re going to go right back to bed for the day.”

Spock slid his hand under the beige sweater to touch Jim’s hot bare skin. “You wished to decorate the tree.”

“Oh. Yeah. And I really want to. I’ve been looking forward to it.”

“I know. I appreciate this piece of clothing very much,” Spock murmured.

Jim rolled his eyes and picked up his plate of food, muttering something about horny Vulcans. Since it applied, Spock so no point in disputing it.

For a moment he watched Jim eat, but then finally picked up his own plate to consume his breakfast.

Too soon they finished and Spock had to let Jim up from his lap. Jim washed the dishes quickly and then grabbed Spock’s hand and led him into the living room where the tree Spock had set up the night before stood, along with the boxes of decorations.

“I would have lit a fire, but I did not see wood. I meant to ask you about heat but you distracted me.”

Jim nodded. “Sorry, should have thought of that. I planned to get wood after I went shopping, but, then the accident happened, and you came early. We can go out for wood later. I can put the heat on now.” He walked over to a switch on the wall and pressed it. “There. That should heat us up quickly.”

Which ended up being true, for it was a very short time when Spock bent down to retrieve a box of glass holiday ornaments that he felt warmth permeate the living room area. Spock was grateful the central heating worked quickly.

Every once in a while Jim would catch his eye and smile and each time he did it made Spock’s heart flutter. He really needed to concentrate. When they returned to the Enterprise for their next five year mission, he could hardly spend all of his time mooning over his captain.

He set about putting up the ornaments in a logical, to him, pattern on the tree. But he also noticed Jim, several times, moving over to an ornament Spock had just placed, and changing it to another spot.

With a shake of his head, Spock continued. The tree was plugged in so all of its somewhat obnoxious, to him, lights flashed and blinked at a frenetic pace.

“Gotta put the topper on.”

“The topper?”

“Tree topper. This star goes on the very top of the tree.” Jim bit his lip as he surveyed their handiwork. “Wonder if I can reach it without the step stool. Mom had to do it when we were kids and she always needed the stool. When we were older, we didn’t put it up.”

“Why?”

“The dickhead.”

“Oh.” Spock nodded. “You did mention that your situation changed when he became involved with your mother.” Spock hesitated. “Did he hit you often?”

“Yeah. I was generally one big bruise when he was around. Unless I could hide. Which I did sometimes. That’s why my brother bailed.” Jim sighed, ran his fingers through his hair. “And that’s more than enough talk about that. This is the holidays and you and me and nobody else.”

Jim stood on tiptoe and reached the star up toward the top of the tree. The beige sweater rode up on him revealing tempting golden skin. Spock stepped close, wrapped his arm around Jim’s waist and lifted him up toward the tree. With a grin, Jim easily put the star on to it.

“Thanks,” Jim said somewhat breathlessly as Spock lowered him back to the ground, but kept Jim close, and within his arms.

“You are welcome.”

“That’s way better than getting the step stool.” Jim peered at him from under really long lashes. “Think I’ll keep you around.”

“I would like that,” Spock said seriously.

Jim’s smile would melt the coldest heart as he looked past Spock and at the tree. “Looks good. What do you think?”

Spock turned and surveyed the tree. “It looks like other holiday trees I have seen.”

Jim laughed. “I guess that’s good. Did your mom celebrate the Jewish holidays and traditions?”

“Apparently when she agreed to be my father’s wife, she accepted the life involved in being in a Vulcan marriage and all the requirements of living on Vulcan. She left most of what her life had been before behind, including any religious or cultural observances.”

“So, you really didn’t have the influence of Judaism?”

“Correct. I was raised in a non-faith, logic-based household. Such observances or celebrations were not recognized.”

“Did you ever want any of that?” Jim wondered.

Spock shrugged slightly. “One cannot long for something one never had the knowledge of. It is different for you, you knew Christmas and the holidays before your stepfather became part of your life, you knew to miss it.”

“That is flawlessly logical, Mister Spock. Though a little sad, maybe.”

“I feel no sorrow for it. Whether Mother did or not, I cannot say. She always seemed satisfied with her choices.”

Jim nodded and kissed the corner of Spock’s mouth. “To be honest, we weren’t really into the religious part of Christmas either. Mom always treated it as a secular thing. Anyway, whatever the case is, if you’d like us to set up a Menorah or something, we can do that, just let me know. You warmer?”

“Yes, the temperature has increased to a comfortable level.”

“Want to go out and get some wood then?”

Spock looked out toward the window in the kitchen, the closest he could see. No snow had begun, but it appeared dismal and cold.

“I can go without you if you’d rather stay inside where it’s warm,” Jim offered.

Spock shook his head. “I do not wish for you to strain yourself fetching wood by yourself merely because I might get cold.”

“Oh, you will get cold, Spock. And I’m okay with it. Honestly. I can do this.”

“No,” Spock insisted. “We will collect the wood together.”

Jim bundled Spock up as though they were going out to do a snowy mountain hike, which made Spock vaguely shudder, and barely put a light coat on himself. It was fine though, Spock did not want to argue about it because he was warm.

The wood pile ended up being on the far side of the yard, against the barn.

“Was this here when you were a child?” Spock asked.

“The barn? Yep. It’s been here for a long time. Long before I was born. Probably be here long after I’m dust.”

Spock stiffened at the mention of Jim’s mortality. He didn’t want to dampen the celebratory mood by making anything of it though, so he chose not to comment.

Jim loaded down both their arms full of logs. He was smiling and his face was red and beautiful.

“Ready to go back inside?”

“More than.”

Spock looked back at the barn. “Was this a place you experienced difficulty involving your stepfather?” He was not certain why he brought it up as he had just decided to keep the conversations light.

Jim stopped on his way back to the house and looked at Spock and the barn over his shoulder. “The whole place, actually. When he got drunk, he got mean, and he was always drunk. And not only did he have mean fists, but he had a mean tongue. His verbal stuff was almost as bad as him hitting you. I ended up thinking I was pretty worthless most of the time.”

He swallowed. “You are more worthy than anyone I have ever known.”

The smile was dazzling, more sparkling than any snow. “Well, I didn’t know you then. Come on. In the house. Icicles are forming on your nose.”

Once inside, they put the wood down in a container for it that lay by the hearth.

Then Jim turned to Spock and took his beanie off his head, his surprisingly warm fingers brushing the tips of Spock’s pointed ears.

“How did you stay so warm?” Spock wondered, leaning into Jim’s touch,

“I don’t know. I’ve always run hot.”

“More reason for me to keep you. How do you feel?”

“Honestly?” Jim was staring at him now, his blue eyes unbearably intense, his lips parted slightly.

Spock nodded for he was suddenly at a loss for words.

“I think I might die if you don’t fuck me soon.” 


	4. To Touch Their Harps of Gold

As lines went, maybe it was stupid, Jim didn’t know and didn’t care. But Spock had been giving him these soft, affectionate, occasionally lust filled, looks for hours, well, since confessing his love for Jim, and damn it, he’d been so patient. Waiting for Spock to get over his fear of hurting Jim. Okay, yes, he’d been in a wreck, but mere wrecks couldn’t fell Jim. Not for long.

So he grabbed Spock’s hands, those beautiful, elegant, Vulcan hands, and tugged him toward the stairs that led up to the bedrooms.

He expected Spock to protest, but his heart was glad when Spock did not, he simply went up the stairs with Jim. Spock had obviously been feeling this just as much as Jim was.

Jim didn’t want to say he’d been waiting years, but yeah, he’d been waiting years.

At the top of the stairs, Jim turned to face Spock, throwing his arms around Spock’s neck.

“I’ve waited forever for this.”

“Forever is—”

Jim silenced him with a kiss. “Just take me to bed.”

Spock took him literally because he was scooped up in really strong Vulcan arms that carried him down the hallway toward his bedroom. A thrill shot up Jim’s spine at the realization came that he was really getting this, really getting Spock, they’d finally, fully be together.

He was laid gently on the bed as though Spock still wanted to handle him with the utmost care, and sure, maybe that was because of the wreck, but Jim thought maybe it was just the way Spock wanted to treat him, like he was fragile or would break, maybe they both were.

Spock’s lips scorched him, branded him, and Jim was pretty fucking sure he’d never been kissed like that and never would again, at least by anyone but Spock.

The Vulcan pulled back enough to reach down to pull Jim’s sweater from his body, tossing it to the right of the bed. Those long, gorgeous hands slid over Jim’s bare skin and he felt a warming buzz wherever they passed.

Next Spock paused long enough to remove his sweater, letting it join Jim’s on the floor, before Spock leaned down pressing them together, chest to chest, abdomen to abdomen. Everywhere Spock touched him felt inflamed, made him want more, so much more.

When he was sure he wouldn’t be able to breath anymore for all those Vulcan kisses, and he wasn’t even sure he cared, Spock stopped to rise from the bed and shuck his pants and briefs from his body.

Jim’s gaze drank in that beautiful, sculpted body, the double ridged cock rising and lifting between muscular thighs. He licked his lips.

Spock arched a brow and reached for the snaps of Jim’s pants. “Off.”

They seemed to come off by magic, which of course they did not, but Jim didn’t care, they were off, and he was finally going to get to feel all of Spock against all of him.

“Come here.” Jim lifted his arms up and out, for Spock to come to him.

Spock began to move toward him, then stopped. “Lubricant?”

Spock, always the practical one, Jim thought, amused.

He flicked his head in the direction of the nightstand next to the bed.

Spock retrieved it, but then his brows furrowed, as he looked at Jim, clearly confused.

“What?”

“How is it your mother had lubricant in her bedroom?”

“ _She_ didn’t. I brought it.”

“You—”

“Spock, can you just…can we get on with it? Because I’m about to die here.”

Jim half-expected Spock to question his health again, but to his surprised delight, Spock did not and instead leaned on the bed to hover directly over Jim.

Spock stared down at Jim with such love and want in his eyes that Jim’s breath caught in his throat.

“I have imagined this. Us.”

Jim blinked. “ _You_ have?”

“Vulcans are not usually given to fantasize, or at least not that I am aware, but yes, I often thought of how it would be between us. How much I wanted to be connected with you in all the ways there were possible.” Spock sucked in a breath and then exhaled slowly. “I would imagine your fingers inserted, preparing yourself for my invasion.” His cheeks had gone faintly green but he did not look away from Jim’s gaze.

Jim took the lube from his hand. “Watch then.”

Jim maneuvered himself onto the bed so that he was propped up against a pillow, and he spread his legs wide even to give Spock a perfect view of his hole and what he was doing with it. Then his gaze never leaving Spock’s, he sloshed out quite a bit of lube onto his fingers. It had been a while since he’d done anal, but it wasn’t something he was inexperienced with and he knew how to prepare pretty quickly. He shoved two slicked fingers in himself, up to the knuckles, only wincing slightly at the sudden stretch.

Spock had his gaze locked on every move Jim made. His lips were slightly parted, and Jim could hear him panting. And if that wasn’t fucking amazing.

He pulled out his fingers and pulled apart his cheeks. “Fuck me.”

Spock swallowed visibly, his Adam’s apple sliding down his throat. Jim stuck out his legs and wrapped them around Spock, locking them at the ankle and pulling him forward, expertly moving Spock’s cock to right where it needed to be.

This was huge. Jim knew that. The occasion. Not Spock’s cock. Though that was true, too. And God, now he had this total urge to giggle but he didn’t dare for Spock looked so fucking serious.

Instead he gave Spock an encouraging smile.

Spock stared at him, eyes going darker. “You are so beautiful.”

“Show me.”

Spock pushed inside him them, with such care and slow precision that was so Spock. And it was…incredible. Amazing.

What he imagined and more.

Jim didn’t know how long Spock moved within him. Minutes, maybe. Hours it seemed. Over and over his Vulcan plunged into him. He’d stroked Jim into a babbling hot mess not once but twice before Spock had begun to move rapidly inside him, his face showing an odd mix of fear, want, and ecstasy. He’d shouted Vulcan words that were unknown to Jim and yet they’d thrilled him like mere standard words could not.

After Spock held onto him, face buried in Jim’s neck, panting heavily, and shaking. The minute Jim tried to move, Spock held on as if for dear life, and so Jim let him stay that way as long as he needed 

****

“Do any of these ornaments hold sentimental significance?” Spock asked him much later as they snuggled on the couch by the fire Jim lit and the Christmas tree.

“No, not really. I don’t even remember most of them, honestly. They were ornaments my mom picked out, I guess. And maybe my dad. Not even sure about that. She’s never said.”

“Perhaps it would be wise to choose some that were more personal to you.”

“Yeah, not a bad idea. We could go into the town if the weather’s not bad and get a few things.” Jim leaned back to study Spock’s face. “If you don’t mind. And then I can get you a present.”

Spock arched a brow. “I do not require a present.”

“No one requires them, Spock. That’s why they’re a present.” Jim unwrapped himself from Spock on the couch and stood. “Come on, babe. We’re going into town. Better bundle up.”

As they exited the hover car and made their way to the first store, Spock said, “Now I understand the song.”

“Song?”

“The weather outside _is_ frightful,” Spock deadpanned.

Jim laughed and opened the door into the store. It felt a little weird to do domesticated stuff with Spock. Good weird. But weird, nonetheless.

Spock had taken him literally when Jim had said bundle up. He was outfitted from head to toe in warm weather wear. His face was flushed an adorable shade of green. He wore woolen mittens and a beanie. And a big down coat. It was snowing lightly, but really it was nothing.

“Okay, time to separate,” Jim announced.

Spock stared at him. “But I thought—”

“In the store, Commander,” Jim said, playfully using Spock’s title. “And you know it. I know you find it amusing to tease us poor dumb humans who think you don’t know this shit. Go.” Jim pointed. Spock went the direction Jim told him to go.

The truth was he had absolutely no idea what to get for Spock. None. He couldn’t imagine Spock would give a flying fuck for anything.

Jim didn’t have a lot of experience with gift giving either. When he was in high school, he’d given the girl he liked a pendant and chain with her initial on it. He’d worked hard to get it too. She had acted like she liked it at the time, but then later he’d overheard her telling her friend how cheap it was and she only wore it to be nice.

Bones was easy. He gave his friend booze whenever there was an occasion. 

The last few times he’d given his mother anything it was books.

So for Spock, he was at a complete loss.

Eventually he stopped in front of a tea set. It had a teapot and cups and saucers.

And it was lame, Jim thought. Spock probably had hundreds of tea sets and probably Uhura had given him at least a dozen and likely his favorite one, whatever that was.

He moved on.

He stopped at sweaters. All very nice and knitted. Good colors.

His mother probably knitted him a bunch of those. He remembered hearing Spock talking to Uhura once about all the sweaters his mother made him. Why would he want some sweater out of a store?

Then Jim stopped in front of the jewelry counter. He immediately thought of Uhura’s necklace, and tried to tamp down his self-destructive thoughts there. He wouldn’t have wanted Amanda’s necklace anyway, and it had helped them locate his crew on Altamid. 

“Can I help you, sir?” the woman behind the jewelry counter asked.

He opened his mouth to say no, but what came out was, “I’d like to see some men’s rings, please.”

And less than thirty minutes later, Jim walked away with matching titanium rings with diamond chips in the middle.

He was also a little shell-shocked. What the hell was he going to do with those? Was he really going to ask Spock…?

“Hello, Jim. Have you finished here?”

“Huh?” Jim stared at Spock, who was now standing in front of him, holding a bag.

“Do you require more time to shop?”

“Uh. No. No. I’m ready.”

They stopped at the grocery store too for more tea and coffee and more food. The weather was predicted to get worse over the next few days and Jim wanted them to be ready for anything.

Spock kept glancing his way as they headed back to the farmhouse. “You have become very quiet. Are you unwell?”

“No. I.” He put his hand on Spock’s arm. “Hey. Stop here for a second.”

Spock dutifully pulled the hover car over, a question in his gaze.

Jim moistened his lips and looked at the building next to where they were. His stomach rumbled and his heart pounded.

“Jim?”

“Okay. So listen. I know it’s not Christmas yet. But it’s already Hanukah.”

“Jim—”

“I know. You didn’t celebrate anything. It’s just, um, if we don’t do this now, we’ll have to wait, and I just don’t know if I want to. And you might say no anyway and I can’t blame you because it’s really fast and—”

“ _Jim_.”

“There’s a man in that building there. He’s a judge. And he can perform the ceremony. I know, because I already checked, when we were at the market.”

Spock was staring at him, not in the way he had when Jim had told him he missed him, but in a different way, a hopeful way, like he was really wishing that what Jim was about to say was something he really wanted to hear.

Maybe Jim was projecting. He fumbled for the little velvet bag the woman at the store had given him. He undid the drawstring and withdrew the box that contained side by side rings.

“I suck at this. And words. And declarations.” He exhaled slowly. “The thing is none of them mean even a tiny bit compared to what I actually feel. I just don’t have the words. But…I’ve never been in love before. Not with anyone. I used to think I just wasn’t capable of it. Not feeling love. I love lots of people, you know? But the sort of love where you just…the thing is, Spock, I _can_ live without you. No one has a soulmate or any of that crap. You fall in love and you choose to be together because you want to be and you work at it, every damn day, and you put that person above everyone else, yourself sometimes too, and it’s not easy. Ever. And I don’t want it to be. So, yeah, Spock, I _can_ live without you. But I don’t want to. I want you in my life in every way and every single day of every single year for the rest of my damn life. And I would be the luckiest and the happiest fool if you said yes.”

Spock reached for the box, and his hand shook while he did so, and he lifted the lid, gazing solemnly at the rings within, and Jim held his breath, his chest hurting from the effort not to breathe.

Very slowly Spock’s dark eyes rose and he met Jim’s gaze. “I will marry you, James Tiberius Kirk. And I would bond with thee.”

Jim let out a little hiccup and then he laughed. “Yeah? Okay.”

Spock handed him the bag he had. “I did not buy rings but I did buy an ornament for your tree.”

Jim opened the bag and took out a wrapped package, which he opened slowly. Within it was a wood carving of two hands. One was Vulcan and the touch of sleeve at the wrist was blue, science blue, and the other was human, the touch of sleeve command gold, the carved hands touched in the Ozh’esta. 

His gaze flew to Spock’s. “How did you—”

“There was a man in the store who would do custom ornaments,” Spock explained. “I provided the design and he duplicated it. You said that there were no ornaments for the tree that were of particular value to you, therefore, I wanted to change that.”

Jim leaned in and kissed him. “I love you. So much. Let’s get married.”


	5. The Blessed Angels Sing

“Spock!” Jim laughed. “Spock! Put me down.”

“Is this not traditional after marriage?” Spock asked, brow raised as he carried Jim into the farmhouse.

“I’m no bride.” Jim jostled the bags he carried.

“I am well aware of your parts, Adun. You are only put out because your attempts to carry me proved unsuccessful.” Spock carefully set Jim down on his feet. “It is a strange tradition.”

“You said it. And yeah, it’s completely not fair that I can’t carry you.” Jim encircled Spock’s neck with his arms. “Hungry?”

“Not at present. We had a dozen cookies between us.”

“Yeah, but sugar goes through you quickly.” Jim kissed Spock’s jaws and then moved out of Spock’s arms. Spock tried not to feel bereft.

He watched as Jim went into the kitchen and sliced off a hunk of sourdough bread out of one of the packages they’d just brought in with them.

“Think your dad will be shocked?”

“Not particularly. He is aware of my affection for you.”

Jim smiled. “Affection.”

“Your mother will be surprised,” Spock predicted.

“Boy, will she be. Not because of you though, babe. Because of me. She never thought anyone could tie me down.”

Spock leaned a hip against the kitchen counter. “Do you feel tied then?”

“With a big old Christmas ribbon.” Jim opened the fridge and leaned in. “Where’s that butter?”

Spock frowned slightly. “Jim?”

“There!” Jim emerged triumphant from the fridge holding a tub of spreadable butter.

“Do you truly feel tied down?”

“Huh?” Jim looked at Spock, face scrunched up.

“Your words—”

“Oh.” Jim rolled his eyes. “Spock, stop taking everything so seriously. I _am_ ridiculously happy is what I am.” He bit off bread and chewed. “You have to be Commander Kirk now.”

Spock arched a brow. “I thought you would be Captain Spock.”

Jim laughed. “How about Captain Kirk-Spock and Commander Spock-Kirk?”

“Perhaps it would be best if we maintain our own individual identity and remain as we are widely known?” Spock suggested.

“Agreed.” Jim stepped over to Spock and offered him a bite of the bread.

Spock shook his head. “Perhaps you would like to hang your new ornament on the tree.”

“Yeah, just let me…” Jim popped the rest of his bread into his mouth, chewed and swallowed. “Let me put away the stuff we brought home.”

Spock helped him put all their purchases away, secretly wondering how many days Jim expected them to be snowed in. Not that much of a secret, really, as Spock had asked that very question at the store as Jim heaped item after item into their shopping cart.

“Well, Mom can have whatever we don’t use before we leave,” Jim had replied. “I want everything to be perfect.”

Spock was of the mind that as long as he had Jim with him it would be as close to perfect as he would ever be able to obtain. And now that they were married, so much better. And then, some day, soon, Spock hoped, bonded. Jim was his t’hy’la, Spock had no doubt. He only wondered how he had never realized it before this time.

Or how he was going to broach the subject. Only a few hours ago Jim made it clear he didn’t believe in soulmates. And while a t’hy’la was not exactly one, Jim might view it that way.

“Tea or something?” Jim asked, interrupting his thoughts.

“No.” Spock took Jim’s hand and led him into the living room by the tree.

Jim looked down at their interlocked hands and then back up into Spock’s eyes. Spock’s breath caught at the look of love in the blue. “You don’t mind wearing the ring, do you?”

“I do not. Contrary to popular belief the wearing of adornments on the hands is in no way bothersome to Vulcans. Though we do not use them as symbols ourselves, there is no objection to them,” Spock assured him. “And our rings look perfect together.”

Jim grinned and kissed him. “Just like us.”

“Indeed.”

“Oh. Hang on.”

Jim let go and ran out of the room, but before Spock had time to wonder where he went, Jim returned holding a menorah.

“Yeah, I know. You didn’t do any of those things with your mom, but I bought one at the store. I figured, it would be nice to represent all of us, right?”

Spock smiled slightly. “Right.” And if perhaps he was so full of love for this human his heart threatened to burst, he could be forgiven, for it was a festive occasion. 

He had no doubt that his mother would have very much approved of this human who had so enthralled Spock.

Jim set it up and then took the hand ornament Spock had gotten for him over to the tree. Spock followed closely behind and watched as his _husband_ hung it on the tree.

“Just think, twenty-five years from now, when we hang this on a tree, we can remember our anniversary too,” Jim said, softly.

“And then twenty-five years after that.”

“You’re optimistic,” Jim cracked. “I’ll be in my eighties.”

“As will I.”

“Not the same thing, babe, not the same thing.” Jim’s smile faded.

“What, Adun?” Spock drew him close into his arms. He felt Jim’s sudden sorrow through the contact of their skin, because yes, Spock had his hands up under Jim’s sweater to touch the bare skin there.

“I don’t think they had fifty years together.”

Spock knew without asking who Jim meant, so he said nothing, only nodded against Jim. The two of them could spend a lot of time being depressed on behalf of their counterparts. Spock would rather be more productive and enjoy their own time.

After a moment he said, “Perhaps we will have even more.”

Jim laughed. “More than fifty?”

“It is possible. You did receive Khan’s blood.”

“Yeah.” Jim kissed him. And kissed him. Spock felt he could easily give into Jim’s sweet kisses. Surprisingly sweet. 

“Have you notified Doctor McCoy of our change in status?”

“Not yet.” Jim made a face. “I sense a lecture. Have you told Uhura?”

Spock shook his head. “Not yet.”

Right now, they wanted it just to be them. Somehow though they had not talked of it, they’d both agreed. There would be time enough to include all the others in their lives.

“And when do we bond?” Jim asked, wrapping his arms around Spock’s middle.

Spock hesitated only a moment. “As soon as you have fulfilled your obligation to house sit for your mother, I would like us to go to New Vulcan.”

Jim smiled, a little crookedly, a little hesitant. “And you really want to bond with me?”

“Jim, t’hy’la, there is no one else.”

“What is that? That word. You used it earlier when you…when we…” Jim stopped, and tilted his head back to look at Spock. “An endearment? I don’t remember you using it with Uhura.”

“I would not. It might be wise for us to sit down.”

“Sounds kind of serious.”

“It is not a small matter,” Spock admitted. “But I do not think it is negative.”

He took a hold of Jim’s hands in his and led his husband over to the couch. He really wanted Jim to sit on his lap and in his arms but considering the topic he perhaps should wait.

So they sat side by side with Jim looking very much like Spock’s captain, all of a sudden. He had that look, when he wanted to, and apparently, he did now.

“A t’hy’la is very rare. In ancient Vulcan lore, it was between two warriors, sometimes rivals, until they touched and discovered their…predestination.”

Spock thought perhaps he imagined the narrowing of Jim’s eyes, for he did not interrupt.

“Brother, friend, lover.”

“Like us.”

“Indeed. But it is more. Those are simple words to describe something more complex than is normal to human understanding.”

A smirk appeared. “Humans are too dumb to get it, huh?”

“Jim.”

“Sorry. Continue.”

“I hesitate to say this but I can think of no other alternative but to use this comparison. It is a similar concept to soulmates.”

“Soulmates.”

Spock nodded. “Given your dismissal of the concept earlier I anticipated you would be skeptical. I do not believe it will change our relationship, however, nor our deep feelings that are shared between us. It means to me you are my t’hy’la, but it does not require you to force yourself to believe something that you aren’t comfortable with.”

“Spock, if you say t’hy’las exist then I believe you. There are plenty of things humans don’t know everything about and probably this human in particular. The only thing I _do_ know for sure is that I love you with all my heart and all my soul and I can’t wait to be connected to your mind and have you connected to mine and spend the rest of our lives together, whether that is by choice, predestination, or ancient Vulcan concepts.”

“I am in awe of you,” Spock admitted. He waited no longer to pull his t’hy’la to him and into his lap, touching him everywhere he could find. Kissing him like his life depended on the contact. Perhaps it did.

There might be a time when Spock got used to the idea that Jim belonged to him and he to Jim, but Spock didn’t think that would be any time soon.

Jim came up for air and turned his head to look out toward the kitchen. “It’s full on snowing now.”

“It is a good thing, then, is it not, that we have lots of supplies to last us and we do not have to venture out into it?”

“Uh huh. Gives us plenty of time to explore every single inch of each other.” Jim grinned. “This is our honeymoon, after all.”

The lights went out.

“Damn old houses,” Jim muttered. “And their old power system. Well, Mister Spock-Kirk, we’ll just have to keep each other warm until it comes back on.”

“Indeed, Captain Kirk-Spock.”

Jim laughed. “Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New Year, and Happy Married Life.”

Spock kissed him and then flipped Jim underneath him on the couch.

“You are…glorious.”


	6. Epilogue: For lo! The Days are Hastening on

Fifty Years Later

Spock carefully unwrapped the precious ornament he’d had made for Jim many years ago now. He walked slowly over to the tree that stood by the window overlooking a park of beautiful greenery and exotic blooms.

He looked at the ornament as it rested on the palm of his hand, the hands of himself and his t’hy’la. Always touching.

Spock’s index finger stroked the wood where their fingers touched in the kiss.

“Jim,” he whispered. His eyes pricked with tears that threatened to impair his vision.

A warm hand touched his back.

His gaze rose to meet the brilliant blue.

“Hey, you aren’t going to hang that without me, are you?”

Spock rested his other hand on Jim’s chest, over his heart. “No, Adun. I was waiting for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my only full holiday fic this year, so I hope you enjoyed it.  
> Thank you for giving it a read.


End file.
